bile nak obatkan hati saye? -_-'

esok tak boleh nak update sangat rsaya.

will be super busy the whole day.

will update the thing tomorrow.

tujuan blogging ni nak cakap...

I HATE EXAMINATION.

seriously i mean it. sebab exam buat org semua jadi macam monster garang yg horror buat hati saye jadi sedih pilu down and lonely. pffft.

cepat2lah pergi encik exam.tinggalkan dunia saye supaye saye boleh senyum ceria semule.plis.

saye sakit. sakit sangat2. sakit yang obatnye tak boleh dapat dari dokter biasa mahupun dokter pakar ataupun farmasi. obatnye ada satu je dalam donia and sampai sekarang tak bisa diperolehi. jadi tanggung je la sakit selagi boleh tanggung. kalau dah tak boleh pun terpaksa buat2 boleh sebab memang tak dapat obat selagi obat itu tidak dioffer. sob sob sob.

sedut painkiller sambil layan blues.

Ruth Sahanaya - Kaulah Segalanya

Mungkin hanya Tuhan
Yang tahu segalanya
Apa yang ku inginkan
Di saat-saat ini

Kau tak 'kan percaya
Kau selalu di hati
Haruskah ku menangis
Untuk mengatakan yang sesungguhnya

( korus )
Kaulah segalanya bagi ku
Kaulah curahan hati ini
Tak mungkin ku melupakan mu
Tiada lagi yang ku harap
Hanya kau seorang

Kau tak 'kan percaya
Kau selalu di hati
Haruskah ku menangis
Untuk mengatakan yang sesungguhnya

( korus )
Kaulah segalanya bagi ku
Kaulah curahan hati ini
Tak mungkin ku melupakan mu
Tiada lagi yang ku harap
Hanya kau seorang

Kaulah segalanya untuk ku
Kaulah curahan hati ini
Tak mungkin ku melupakan mu
Tiada lagi yang ku harap
Hanya kau seorang
Tiada lagi yang ku harap
Hanya kau seorang

bai...:(

layout blog

dah boring la dengan layout blog ni. tapi mls nk tukar. ada tak cara nak tukar layout blog yg tak payah copy satu satu link dan segala side bar function kat sebelah ni?

letih la nak letak balik satu2 link dan segala mak nenek kat sebelah ni.

sape tahu cara tolong ajar.aku ni bengap sket mende2 pasal bahasa computer yg html bagai. tahu copy paste code template pastu buat la manual satu2...huaaa...

nak tapi malas.

kalau ada cara mudah tolong bgtau pliss?

tenks.

gile kentang blog saye masuk???

oh. nak cerita sket la.pengakuan ikhlas ni. sebenarnye, sebelum2 ni selalu tengok menatang kat bwh blog tu. ala, yg ada rss feed tu. sebenarnye aku tak paham pun ape kebende nye rss feed tu.mcm main agak2 sendiri la. selalu jugak cam terfikir, ish, takdenye blog aku layak nak masuk nuffnang punya rss feed.

skali, ada org masuk pastu komen kat chat box tepi tu *ha, ape lagi..pegi la skodeng..^__^* first of all, thanks firhan for the compliment. secondly, wooo...aku nye blog masuk rss feed nuffnang? biar betik. betik pun tak biar mcm ni.gile kentang la weh.

bawahahaha...*peghak gile saye*. tapikan. terima kasihler pada yang jengok. macam malu2 beruang pulak rasanya. pada follower. maceh atas kerjasama anda.*ewah* rasa mcm kasi speech menang award. gile kentang.

kesimpulannya, terima kasih la. ai shy shy bear la.auwwwww....ammm.

itu je nak cerita. keterujaan tiba2. ok la. tee heeee.

tata.

Panas

Kesian budak gebu yg baik ni.kesian jugak kat auntie "cikyong" dia
ni.sebabnya, kesian dia demam. Kesian saye sebab jaga dia demam.dia
merap aje.xnk org lain.saye dok dukung dia dan bangun beberapa kali
malam tadi. Oh adik sayang...cikyong ngantuk...

pelamin dan bertunang.

browsing punya browsing, tersangkut kat satu forum ni, yang tengah discuss pasal tunang dan patutkah bertunang ada pelamin. i was not browsing pasal tu, tapi biasala, bukak itu, bukak ini, terkait sana sini. well, since depa sentuh isu tu, i sendiri terpanggil untuk berikan pendapat SENDIRI.

first of all, it depends pada that individu tu la. kalau mampu go ahead. kalau tak mampu tapi nak buat jugak, go ahead la. your prob not mine.

the thing is, this is my own opinion senses. for me, bertunang pun tak payah to begin with. nikah terus je. tapi if ada la bertunang nak ikut adat la *kononnye*, ikutkan family aku, sang lelaki tak patut berada di situ. datang pun tak boleh. patut duduk lepak2 di rumah main ps3 or psp or membongkang tedo berdengkur pun tak apa, yang pasti jangan jejak kaki la ke rumah perempuan.

itu one thing.

another thing, itu bertunang aje la.takde la nak payah berpelamin bagai siap mcm nak kawen. baik kawen sanding terus. huish. kerja 2-3 40 kali. penat je.penat tu bole tahan lagi. buang duit. baik pakai duit pelamin tu beli barang makan ke, cuti2 ke, tiket flight ke. lagi best beli tv plasma. wah. mengujakan.

kalau tunang tu jadi sampai kawen, alhamdulillah la. tapi kalau putus di tengah jalan..siap dengan hutang bank yang amek sebab nak sewa pelamin, memang lepas tu nyanyi lagu pelamin anganku musnah la *azie kot pnynyi dia*.

tapi kalau tanya aku le, memang tak payah. dari bazir2 segala itu semua, baik saving duit utk kehidupan selepas kawen. takde la rela dah abis kawen dengan grandnye, lepas tu bila malam nak makan balik umah mak sebab kecapitan fulus nak beli barang makan. peh. buang karan.

baik simpan duit dari dibazirkan,beli tv plasma pastu bole duduk berduan manja2 kat rumah sambil berperang pasukan bola mana akan menang. wah. itu lagi mengujakan dari buat pelamin yang pasang utk sehari pastu bukak, tadaaa...bayarla ribu2. oh sekian. aku kirim salam tak mahu je la.

kalau, ku bilang kalau ye, kalau nak buat la bagi aku, cukup la sikit la hias sket.pakai baju santek sket. tak banyak pun tak ape santek nye sebab aku dah memang cantik. bwhahahaaha. pastu sarung la tilam tempat nak duduk tu dengan sarung sulam tekad. nak hias2 sket dengan sulam tekad. itu turun temurun tu keluarga punya (oh, jimat super daripada beli cadar mak nenek segala baru. selamat fulus den..soping baju pun sodap)..lagipun, tradisional..comel dan simple.

ok. itu dah reveal aku punye plan. tolong jgn tiru. tp, aku bukan nak tunang pun. ahah. ini pandangan dan pendapat. tak tahu la kot2 dah sampai masa ada org nak sponsor baju bilik cadar pelamin segala bagai, buat aje la. bwahahaha.free aku nak.

makan free aku nak.

ada jual bodigad free tak? sehensem josh hartnett? teng teng teng *oiit. baru sedar. tadi ada org tiru teng teng teng saye...tiyuuuuu!! hepp. babap nnt*

ok. nak tedo la. bai.

uncle lagi best dari yeop atau chor.

rasa macam nak blogging tapi bila dah bukak and nak type new entry, tiba2 blur. blank. terhilang segala idea mak nenek nak mencecer dalam ni.

oh ye.cerita sikit la keadaan sekarang. malam ni tedo seperti masa kecil2 dulu. dekat rumah opah punya ruang tamu. rumah ni rumah kayu perak, rumah depan la kiranya ni. kecil2 dulu tidur berbaris 6 beranak. emak, ayah and kami 4 adik beradik. seronok. tapi selalunya aku dan adik la berebut nak tedo sebelah mak. end up adik akan tedo sebelah ayah.

tapi malam ni, korum 6 org tu dah berubah. 3 lagi dah takde. yang ada kakak dan si kecil gebu. abg ayed dah balik ipoh dengan kak ikin, tinggalkan kakak dan adik di sini. so, mak and ayah and me tedo di depan sebab ruang besar sket. selalunya mak ayah akan tedo di katil permaisuri (queen size katil di belakang dan kami bentang la mana2, sepah). tapi hari ni, berbaris la ramai2. kakak tedo sebelah aku. then emak. si bayi kecil gebu comel tedo di antara emak dan ayah.

ahaha.tiba2 mak ayah ada bayi kecil semula? euwww. tak kena. tak boleh lah. anyway, tadi borak2, masa abg ayed and kak ikin ada. so sambil main2 dengan adik pastu nak bahasakanlah diri aku apa. sape tah sebut, "mak yong". pastu mak cakap la..."takde dia endak nye dipanggei makyong. dia cikyong" and i heard it la kan. pastu ofcourse la menjawab.

hello. takde takde. yong dipanggil cikyong okeh. ihiks. saye adalah yong yang palin muda dari yong yong sekalian. meh cerita sket. family belah mak, ada 4 orang anak sulung perempuan, so ofcourse la panggil yong la kan. tapi aku adalah yong paling muda. so, no way jose memanggil ku mak makyong ni. ihiks.

pastu masuk la tiba2 kalau ada pakcik nye nak panggil ape. abang ayed la.kalau tak mencarut tak sah. aku jawab spontan le, "kalau pakcik nye panggil yeop la. ape kelas panggil pakcik..euwww".

abang ayed dgn spontan juga cakap..."kalau nama brahim panggil yeop bra le yek..?"

bwahahaha..ok. kalau tak cakap tak senonoh tak sah dia ni. dapat tangkap x?

pastu dia sambung, "kalau namanya rosli, panggil cho..jadi cho-li.."

ceh sungguh. peh. kalau tak merapu tak sah. so aku jawab..ish.ape kelas itu semua. panggil "uncle" sudeyh...

uncle pun best kan? kena bawak yg rambut blonde la macam ni.

"come darling. come. here is your uncle. uncle ......" *terbayang muka josh hartnett masa ni. aci tak?*

uish. takboleh la bawak pakcik hensem mcm ni punya hot and sexy perkenalkan kat anak sedara. kang dorg drool dengan "uncle" dorang camne? bwhahaha.

ok.sopan sikit camni boleh la? oh before that. i hate blondie. so, tukar pada brunette kot? ape2 la asalkan bukan blonde.

ahahahaha.mimpi josh hartnett jadi uncle budak2 ni. meaning josh hartnett laki aku la? oh. *drool...slurpp..wOOt wOOt"

bai.

saye di kampung.

after updating the blog so frequent for the past few days, hari ni tiba2 sunyi kan? sebenarnya malam tadi gerak balik kampung. semalam tedo rumah mak ut kat batu gajah, and tadi balik ke kg selboh parit. pagi tadi abg ayed sampai dari ipoh bawak si gebu. lepas saye bagi gebu makan nestum, dia tedo. jadi abang ayed tinggalkan la gebu di rumah mak ut.

sekarang abg ayed pergi amek kak ikin balik dari kerja and si gebu di rumah mak ut nak bawak ke sini. yey. tak sabar nak main dengan si gebu. si gebu adalah adik kepada kakak. kalau perasan, gambar tuan punya blog ni adalah kanak2 perempuan memakai helmet. itu adalah kakak aka sharipah norasilah. dia adalah anak buah saye. anak kepada abg ayed, sepupu saye. dan si gebu adik dia bernama syed rifqi zharif. huhu.

sekarang saye tengah tunggu gebu sambil sambil online. nanti gebu sampai saye amek gambar dan tepek gambar ok.

oh ye, before that, menakjubkan tak? internet di parit laju woo oh. ahahaha. maybe sebab tak ramai orang balik kampung dan menyesakkan line celcom di sini. hari tu masa raya maybe sesak line celcom kan. hopefully line celcom berterusan begini. although broadband tak dpt 3G, dapat EDGE yang laju pun dah cukup.

korang makan ape tadi? aku makan kepsi aka kfc, lepas tu dorg semua makan nasi, tapi i didnt take any rice. kan dah berazam no rice sampai konvo. tak dpt kurus, dpt turun few kg pun dah cukup. uhuks. ok.sekarang berehat tengok astro sambil tunggu gebu. kejap lagi nak sambung baca jurnal. haish. banyak nak katam ni.

btw, alhamdulillah, opah dah beransur sihat. balik kg ni tengok dia. hari tu dia demam. dia cakap dah rasa nak pergi dah ni ke. haihs. tanak tanak. aku tak sedia lagi. nak opah tengok aku kawen ada cucu ape semua. amin...

ok la.dah berapa banyak ok. saye rehat dulu. taa.

mimpi yang bukan mimpi ngeri.

several days ago, aku ada mimpi. mimpi pelik. aku mimpi aku pregnant. perut aku besar sangat, tapi aku tak rasa ada apa2 pada perut aku, means perasaan tu sama macam sekarang. tapi pinggang aku sakit. ish. perasaan yang sangat pelik.

lepas tu, aku ada baby, aku tak bersalin normal mahupun c-sect. aku punya baby keluar dari perut aku mcm perut kangaroo. boleh bukak celah perut tu, dan keluarkan baby. it's a girl. and ada nama. nama dia maryam. ahah. weird dream kan?

comel la nama maryam (source: here)

no no. takde la mula benda2 pelik ni. i am not thinking towards that way, whatever way it is lah kan. just weird. so i interpreted the dream by myself. ada a friend tanya about adopting baby and since i have the knowledge sikit2, so i shared the info with her. maybe because if discussing that matter with her and my mother (she is my informer pasal adoption tu), so sampai termasuk dalam mimpi cumanya penyampaian yang pelik dengan cara birth seperti kangaroo. siap tak ada darah and perut cepat kempis mcm pocket doraemon.huhu.

anyway, nama maryam pun sedap kan? ahah. maybe nama mariam sebab in the dream takde plak muncul husband ke ape. oh, tapi ada a friend sama2 jalan with me. reck tak silap i. and she was pregnant in the dream too. besar gile perut dia but dia tak beranak la dalam mimpiku itu.

ahah. what a weird dream, eyh?

creepy la plak kalau baby besar ni. and this gambar, baby ni ada chocolate. creepy and rasa tak best kan? (source: here)

kasih dia.

Kita biasa tengok macam mana seorang ayah find it hard to show their compassion terhadap anak2 mereka. for those yang ada bapa2 yang memang tunjukan their compassionate terhadap anak2, bersyukur la.

as for my father, he is a loving man. cuma part meluahkan memang bukan dia. sarcasm is his word, his way nak encourage and menaikkan semangat anak2. kena take it as a challenge and positive way lah.

tapi kalau salah ambil memang boleh pedih hati. cara dia mengajar pun agak kasar, sebabnya he learned through the hard way because he was not from a wealthy family and his background sendiri, he grew up memang through hardness and though-ness of kehidupan.

tapi tadi, masa bawak kereta nak ambil mak from her office, lalu dekat pasar malam and he said "eh..ada pasar malam. patut jem"

"ajid dulu sebut...eh, pacar malam...(menyebut seperti kanak2 kecil sebut pelat2)"

and i asked him again, "ape dia ayah?"

"ajid, dulu..kecik2 kalau nampak pasar malam mesti sebut...eh, pacar malam.."

dah 25 usia ajid and ketika ajid boleh bercakap begitu, probably 22 years ago and he still remembers. ayah ingat, ayah notice dan ayah sayang. cumanya..dia tak menunjukkan terangan.

kalau ingat dia suap makan, tiga jari je dia gunankan sebab jari besar dan mulut kami kecil. tapi dia suapkan, mandikan, pakaikan baju, bawa jalan2...dukung aku..ingat lagi when i had my asthma attack (cant remember my exact age, maybe around 8-9 years old), dia dukung bawa pergi sedut di klinik. kalau tertidur dalam kereta masih dukung.

in fact, few days ago, ayah baru balik kerja..super tired. passtu i was so hungry yg dah menggigil sebab didnt have anything solid the whole day, pergi grocer nak cari roti, and my brother said he was tired...so ayah offer to teman me to the grocer. he didnt want me to go alone.

ayah pergi kerja, pagi2 mak hantar sampai lrt, and he will take the lrt sampai ke masjid jamek, then switch to star to BTS. 50+ and still riding the lrt to work. dengan rambut putih dan perut "seksi", penat2 naik train. kesian, tp dia ckp lagi rela dalam train dari naik kereta drive sebab ngantuk nanti. suppose dah boleh rehat di rumah by his age. but i still cant afford to tanggung dia.

still have things to settle and all. doa2 la cepat abis belajar, dan cepat stabil and can jaga them. i hope adik2 tak le lemak sangat. if i got to further my study, i hope i can count on them to jaga my parents.

haihs.

kasih ayah. kasih ayah.

nak pergi peluk perut ayah la.

bai.

i am awake. now.

After several posting of marriage, babies, and relationship, i think i've settled with my own way. i am still finding my focus point. still struggling to get my concentration on the right place, but i am getting better.

i've put the stress on a flight back to the future when the right time comes, i'll buy the ticket back home to where "it" belongs so the stress could be converted into something good (i hope..ahah..dem weird analogy)..

to friends who is getting married, lily, siti, zura, my lovely cousin amy, abo, en N.manja, dan lain2 yang maybe i lupe to say it, congratulation. i will try my best to be there (makan free sapo tanak?).

to those yang dah pun kahwin, reck, dayah, bayah, ina, congratulation jugak. sorry cant make it (except reck and cousin kak lin dan chali). semoga cepat2 dapat junior2 anda sekalian.

to those yang pregnant and dah deliver, kakyong and baby aisyah, evy dan baby qassih, nyah ida and baby girl, mommies-to-be emy..tahniah...welcome to mommy-hood.

and to you, yes you. dont worry. am not talking about anything near to marriage, or family-ising anytime soon.lets just go-flow, take it easy, enjoy this nice thing we are having. let us be what we are. and what we're good at...^_^ and when the right time comes...we'll see and talk about what we shall talk about.

(source: here)

and people..i am not stop thinking about it. i am holding it somewhere safe, somewhere calm so i can cope up with life, enjoy life, and stay FOCUS.

and sekarang, am gonna go and get my-not-so-be-a-u-ty schleep. toodles.

PJJ yang bukan pendidikan jasmani.

LDR = Long distance relationship or PJJ = Perhubungan jarak jauh.

i bet loads of you guys/girls out there is in it. One thing I realize yang boleh break the PJJ is communication. Some, can go on days without communicating (was respek la lu kakak), and some can't. The thing is, kalau ada macam sort of ketidakpuasan hati or taksebulu/sefaham, and then kan, macam terjauh, ada gap and distance, its either boleh buat you makin rindu pada your partner, or buat you makin jauh and makin independent and dont need the person anymore.

Me, i think part of me, make myself cling to it because I am afraid that if I'm being lose on the road by myself, I might be too comfortable alone again, because I have been on my own two feet for years, bila let go pun, it is actually not a problem. So, bila again, being comfortable, terasa takot macam tak ada different of being alone.

gambar takde kena mengena dengan posting. sekadar selingan sebab i look curvy-licious and fair in this. ^___^

I myself lah takot. Part of it, I mmg clingy and needy and sebenarnye, need to be needed. want to be wanted.

Maybe la jugak, i could be ok.sebab we never know. But for now, selagi ada daya, selagi ada tenaga, selagi ada will power, I will put my ego down, and need "it" because i am not coonfident and am afraid that i will drift away on my own.

maybe, when i am stronger, or us become more stronger, i'll cling to that strength to not being needy.

i hope you will hold on to it, as tight as you can...

amin.

kata kata

burung kata, langit itu indah.

harimau kata, tanah itu nyata.

ikan kata, laut itu misteri.

saya kata, dia yang terindah, nyata dan misteri.

dia. yang saya sayang.

terima kasih.

selamat malam. mimpi manis. tidur ketat.

(T_oo_T) <----tiyu diye unye puyak!

corolla sedan with gps.

corolla sedan with gps.

ye.saye dah book kereta untuk ke featherdale. mari2 ke kelas mengenal haiwan di featherdale wildlife park di blacktown, nsw.

huuuu. 26/11. yey.

gile excited takleh blah kan?

hahahah.memang2 pun.takleh sabar nak ke sana.

mak ckp, kamu naik le kete lain.mak dan ayah nak berdua bwk kete sendiri.

w00t?

hoh.dan lepaskan berjalan sambil disupport?

memang tak la.

ok koala dan kangaroo dan emu dan wallabies..nantikan kedatangan saya di sana sana sana *echo*...

bai.

selamat pengantin baru...

1999, masa mula2 aku jejakkan kaki ke Sekolah Menengah Sains Pasir Puteh, dikenalkan dengannya. Ketua kelas 4 Hajar dan 5 Hajar. Masa tu, loghat Besut dia pekat yang amat. Balik-balik asyik ulang, Republic of Besut. tak sudah2. Teriingat gelagat masing2.

Kalau diingatkan balik cara pakai tudung, baju yang melondeh kebelakang, cara jalan yang bersepah, dan huru hara dia..memang takkan sangka, satu hari nanti, dia akak jadi seorang yang bergaya...BERKASUT TUMIT TINGGI *ini penting kerana itu di bold dan caps..hinshinshins*..bertudung lilit2, *so-called-gaya-yuna*, make up, handbags, dan yang paling penting menjadi seorang isteri yang manja. *cough cough*.

Dulu we were never really the best of friends. Bagi aku, honestly dulu aku rasa dia elite punya gang. Tapi dia tak pernah beza-bezakan kawan. Cumanya, ketika itu aku kurang faham sikit bahasa pantai timurnya. Udahla tu, cakap laju macam keretapi tak berhenti-henti *time tidur pun cakap, mengigau*.

At that time, aku dengan result yang *phew, kesat peluh, tak sanggup nak expose*, dan asyik homesick je, merasakan tak layak sebenarnya duduk sekolah tu, dapat nombor pun top 10 dari belakang. Jadi rasa rendah diri tu, macam gunung dalam hati. Tapi dia tetap dia.

Ada satu kali, di Musolla, aku duduk sebelah dia. Aku ingat lagi aku rasa kagum dan respect pada dia bila baca al-quran dan dia boleh terjemahkan pada aku maksud2nya. Skill dan kebolehan memahami bahasa arabnya, aku cukup kagum. Dia pandai, tapi bukan nerd yang lurus bendul. Dalam huru hara dia, jalan lintang pukang bersepah, cakap buat lawak bising sana sini, class rep yang membiarkan kami riang ria bersampahan sama tinggi dengan kami, memang rock la...tapi, dia ada ilmu dalam diri. Sampai aku masuk uni pun aku tetap ingat dia.

Aku respect dengan dia. Masa aku kat Melawati, aku banyak jahilnya. Tapi aku rasa syukur dapat masuk sekolah tu sebab dipertemukan dengan orang2 yang membuatkan aku kagum, dan berkongsi ilmu dengan aku, bukan ilmu pelajaran je, tapi ilmu agama.

Dulu, ape itu usrah pun aku tak tahu. Yang aku tahu nak pakai baju sekolah tanak pakai camisole dan pakai bra super sexy yang tali halus macam bikini, kain leret, tudung pendek so boleh jadi sexy a** yang hot tp brutal. Owh, matilah dulu takkan admit, tapi bila fikir2, bodohnya saya. very cheapskate.

Anyway, *itu cerita sudah tersasar dari track..back to track*, knowing her for almost 10 years, she has been good friend. For the past couple of months, we've been close. Chat, email and finally handling things together semasa reunion sekolah. I will never be able to pull it without her, in fact, because of her the reunion berjaya diadakan.

Seronok aku tengok ko finally kahwin. Finally become his. Lupekan merepek meraban lain, be a good wife, a good mother, a good doctor, a good daughter, and tak lupe, a good army *har har har*. pergi sahara, tolong la, aku nak poskad. tapi nanti aku confirm kan ke mana ya.

aku tak pandai nak type ayat indah2 cantik2 drama2. drama untuk diri sendiri je lebih. tapi, i mean it. aku sayang le ko. thanks for the treat sepanjang aku di besut. harap ko selamt pergi dan selamat balik dengan amir. amir tu rock la.cool gile. you really should be thankful to be his.

And for that...aku tamatkan posting panjang ni dengan gambar2 sekitar wedding mu di REPUBLIC of BESUT. thanks to your family yang super besar dan cool *dia ada 16 adik beradik okeh!!!*. Selamat pengantin baru buat RECK@MIDAH dan AMIR.

ikhlas.

Aku.

ps: cepat2 buat Reck Jr/Amir JR. ^_____^

tiba2 reck punya eyelash memanjang.ahaha.

jelingan mengguda..auwww...untuk amir je ni skrg..

diva tuan punya blog mesti la bercamwhore juge.

dengan miza, kawan reck dari army.

cium tangan amir tu, jgn tak cium.

auwww...schweet...

melanje le aku juge..huu.

dgn beberapa orang adik beradik...orang lain senyum, dia nanges. baru lepas teriak nanges salam mak..siap buat dialog "kenapa aku nanges ni?" ahhaa.baru ko rasa emosi sedih tu.

hoish.tak sampai 24 jam, dah paling ka?

auww...jelingan you...tak tahan..tak jadi gaduh la.

schoolmate, classmate, hajarianz...9900. me, dr reck and dr dayah (aku tadek dokte2 ek)

sekarang tengok, sape pegang senjata? bukan askar dah. tp kitorg bukan m-16, tapi M-JARI SENDIRI..jangan bergerak! awas! ceng ceng ceng.

ok.aksi camwhore bermula lagi. bertabahlah.

entah camne kaler tudung boleh same dengan baju reck...

sofia yang comel yang dok mengekor cik idah sepanjang hari sebab katanya "cik idah suruh kipas" ha, amek ko...dia sampai nanges2 nak cik idah sebab cik idah suruh kipas. tuh la ko, ko suruh dia, dia buat betul2..

amek berkat.auwww.

pouting pouting.

pengantin senior pulak bersanding. pengantin junior jadi pak pacak je ye.

sofia yg tulus mulus comel. sayu dengar tangisan dia nak pergi kat cik idah tp cik idah nak bergambar dengan keluarga...dia plak sibuk nak mengipas atas pelamin..huu.

kakak yang lebih besar dah matang serta mendengar kata.

posing atas katil. ok. pose untuk tontonan umum je ye.

owh, ini dengan emy, sorang lagi hajarian merangkap mak buyung. huhuhu. kiri tu husband dia. dan bwh tu nadia, anak buah reck. lagi sorg tu, auww..tetamu kehormat.

sekian.

tak kena. tak rasa. dah kena. dah rasa.

Have you ever bought something, say a present of a gift for someone, and by chance, you were asking double-meaningly about the thing and find out that the person hated the kind of thing that you actually get for them...

so...

what do you feel?

what will do you?

advise please because right now I have the feeling of thrashing off the thing away.

Or maybe I could sell it online.

Buutttt...I don't think it's worth it...

Ah. biarlah. maybe i should frame it and put it on the wall.

tsk tsk tsk.

down.

toodles.

the countdown begins.

Its finally arrived today. yey. the countdown begins. 21 days from now. tik tok tik tok.



hati tak sabar.

hati berbunga.

nantikan, kedatangan ku..

up up uprising.

aku suka gila lagu ni sekarang. dengar banyak2 kali pun boleh. pls suka sangat. suka the music. the drum pastu masa ketuk piring2 tu.
pastu gitar and semua la.

especially the intro.

pastu suara dia..wah...sungguh menggoda.

*drool*

Uprising - Muse

Paranoia is in bloom,
The PR transmissions will resume,
They'll try to push drugs that keep us all dumbed down,
And hope that we will never see the truth around
(So come on)
Another promise, another scene,
Another packaged lie to keep us trapped in greed,
And all the green belts wrapped around our minds,
And endless red tape to keep the truth confined
(So come on)

They will not force us,
They will stop degrading us,
They will not control us,
We will be victorious
(So come on)

Interchanging mind control,
Come let the revolution take it's toll,
If you could flick a switch and open your third eye,
You'd see that
We should never be afraid to die
(So come on)

Rise up and take the power back,
It's time the fat cats had a heart attack,
You know that their time's coming to an end,
We have to unify and watch our flag ascend

They will not force us,
They will stop degrading us,
They will not control us,
We will be victorious
So come on

They will not force us,
They will stop degrading us,
They will not control us,
We will be victorious

it is what we call LIFE.

arezie_marshad: kejap je ek

arezie_marshad: aku dh dpt anak

myYM: ak ah

myYM: tuh la

arezie_marshad is typing...

arezie_marshad: ko bile lg

myYM: pejam celik pejam celik

myYM: ko dpt anak

myYM: aku dpt master

myYM: life path lain2 kan

myYM: aku?

myYM: tak tahu la

a conversation with a friend. Aku kenal azie masa sama2 kerja di UIA as RO. Azie was working under dr shamzani and i was working with prof najib. But both of us were stations at the al-bukhary room. Duduk dlm bilik tu berdua aja, we became close in no time. And now when i reminisce back everything, on how she gets close to her husband and they went out and when i was in Sydney they got married and now she has a girl...life tells me something.

Lakaran hidup dan jalan ni berbeza. Atas lorong hidup yang dipilih. Azie pilih berkeluarga, and she gets it. I remember how determined she was to get danial. And to marry him, and she gets what she wanted. And me, i have no one at that time. And so i set my mind to further my study and get a master degree. I have no regret for what i choose in life, but saying this, it is just how The Almighty sets human life dengan kuasaNya.

I have what i choose to have, and now i have to accept the takdir that i had choose. I have to get a grip, pull back my strength and do my phd. Like it or not, i have to. I just have to put aside all those envy-ness and adoring others life of having families, and focus on life. This is the path that i choose myself to begin with.

On the other hand, i always pray for my friends happiness, no matter what path they choose. Obviously, they're happily married. While i was writing this entry, i was buzz-ed by fina, a friend i knew back then when i was in UDA. Yeah, i was with UDA's SPP program for 2 months before deciding to join U***. She has a boy now. Laili and Wana got engaged. Yana got married with one of the officer's son that handled us during the orientation, en zainal. Ini kes bapak berkenan buat menantu. :p and zura and rosli akan kahwin 15hb. Siapa sangka both of them akan together after SPP tamat? 16 orang diserap masuk ke UDA. 2 orang tolak, dan 14 lain dapat kerja lain. Wawa jadi cikgu di Sabah, last time i heard, she's pregnant.

Oh well..tiba2 sentimental. Dengar cerita kawan2, dan apa yang diorang ada, boleh bikin envy, but thinking back on what aku ada, I am thankful, bersyukur with what I have. And hopefully semangat aku akan kembali, focus aku kembali juga untuk teruskan jalan yang aku pilih ni.

AMIN.

Kenapa saya nak pergi Sydney cepat-cepat...

Pernah dulu aku dreaming nak kawen at the age of 21. Or 22. And i don't mind being student and a wife. Mak pun sentiasa ok with it. But back then, i was someone else. I never had any serious relationship. Having said that, aku boyish, kasar, anddddd ego. Super ego. Never admit perasaan aku. and always in denial.

What's with the intro?

Well, i am in need of going back to Sydney. Like for 3 years? Last week pergi MSD and pick up FGL. And sis tu cakap, bos pesan suruh apply local uni. Muka dah biru2. No no no...i would fight my way to come back to Sydney. Don't ask me why not UK or Europe or Japan. I have my reasons. If i care enough or in the mood, i'll blog about it. But for now, Sydney it is.

Anyway, tak sabar nak ke Sydney. I just need to get away from Malaysia. Pressure tahap takleh blah. It was easy back then when i was in Sydney. Macam tak ada gap between undergrad and postgrad and you just don't feel much pressure.

Mesti confuse on kind of pressure yang i am facing kan? Kahwin la. Apa lagi.

It is so easy putting up a high face and gelak2 and cracking jokes about it. Tapi dalam hati, terasa pressure even though mulut cakap tak.

Why?

Because i am a family person. I love being at home. Home ye, bukan house. Home. Tak kisah la mana2, as long as i am being loved and giving love. Itu one issue la. But the point is, i am a family person. So, bila berpuluh kali kena tanya bila nak kawen and all...banyak2 kumpul jadi mcm bukit/gunung..berat lah hati ni. I know the situation, and i understand perfectly the situation and condition way before i am in it. It was easy in Sydney...really.

Tapi here, it was almost like a must.

Pffft.

But i am lucky because i have parents yang super very understanding with the situation and my condition and tak put the pressure. Thinking back, maybe it is one of the reason i become reluctant nak keluar and hang out with people ke ape. Pergi wedding kawan pun, macam malas. Coping with indirect pressure yang pressuring me indirectly lagi susah sebab tak tahu nak hilang kan macam mana. Escapism is the bestest way buat masa ni.

Lagi pressure because i am a baby lover, bila bersepah beratur berjujuk la cousin yang bersalin, and kawan2 yang pregnant and melahirkan...kind of pissed me off. Just stop asking. Answering to their question is one thing, but asking it in the first place is enough annoying. Dah la secara indirect giving me pressure and making me envy with it...envy is another thing. Plus, aku bukan jenis kejar career pny orang. If i were given a choice, 10 kali lagi aku pilih family.

Jadi, kesimpulan nye, aku nak cabut lari cepat2. So that i am being spared from being asked or pressured indirectly regarding this matter and i can live my life mcm it is not the most important thing in life. At least, for few years lagi.

By the way, on the other hand, i kind of feels uncomfortable writing this posting. I am writing it for myself but i hope it will not affect anyone else because this is my rambling. My rants. I am not requesting anything, just pouring out my unintentional ramblings.

Bangan la.penat aku menaip boleh padam tiba2. Malas la nak type dah.