kasih dia.

Kita biasa tengok macam mana seorang ayah find it hard to show their compassion terhadap anak2 mereka. for those yang ada bapa2 yang memang tunjukan their compassionate terhadap anak2, bersyukur la.

as for my father, he is a loving man. cuma part meluahkan memang bukan dia. sarcasm is his word, his way nak encourage and menaikkan semangat anak2. kena take it as a challenge and positive way lah.

tapi kalau salah ambil memang boleh pedih hati. cara dia mengajar pun agak kasar, sebabnya he learned through the hard way because he was not from a wealthy family and his background sendiri, he grew up memang through hardness and though-ness of kehidupan.

tapi tadi, masa bawak kereta nak ambil mak from her office, lalu dekat pasar malam and he said "eh..ada pasar malam. patut jem"

"ajid dulu sebut...eh, pacar malam...(menyebut seperti kanak2 kecil sebut pelat2)"

and i asked him again, "ape dia ayah?"

"ajid, dulu..kecik2 kalau nampak pasar malam mesti sebut...eh, pacar malam.."

dah 25 usia ajid and ketika ajid boleh bercakap begitu, probably 22 years ago and he still remembers. ayah ingat, ayah notice dan ayah sayang. cumanya..dia tak menunjukkan terangan.

kalau ingat dia suap makan, tiga jari je dia gunankan sebab jari besar dan mulut kami kecil. tapi dia suapkan, mandikan, pakaikan baju, bawa jalan2...dukung aku..ingat lagi when i had my asthma attack (cant remember my exact age, maybe around 8-9 years old), dia dukung bawa pergi sedut di klinik. kalau tertidur dalam kereta masih dukung.

in fact, few days ago, ayah baru balik kerja..super tired. passtu i was so hungry yg dah menggigil sebab didnt have anything solid the whole day, pergi grocer nak cari roti, and my brother said he was tired...so ayah offer to teman me to the grocer. he didnt want me to go alone.

ayah pergi kerja, pagi2 mak hantar sampai lrt, and he will take the lrt sampai ke masjid jamek, then switch to star to BTS. 50+ and still riding the lrt to work. dengan rambut putih dan perut "seksi", penat2 naik train. kesian, tp dia ckp lagi rela dalam train dari naik kereta drive sebab ngantuk nanti. suppose dah boleh rehat di rumah by his age. but i still cant afford to tanggung dia.

still have things to settle and all. doa2 la cepat abis belajar, dan cepat stabil and can jaga them. i hope adik2 tak le lemak sangat. if i got to further my study, i hope i can count on them to jaga my parents.

haihs.

kasih ayah. kasih ayah.

nak pergi peluk perut ayah la.

bai.