Kenapa saya nak pergi Sydney cepat-cepat...

Pernah dulu aku dreaming nak kawen at the age of 21. Or 22. And i don't mind being student and a wife. Mak pun sentiasa ok with it. But back then, i was someone else. I never had any serious relationship. Having said that, aku boyish, kasar, anddddd ego. Super ego. Never admit perasaan aku. and always in denial.

What's with the intro?

Well, i am in need of going back to Sydney. Like for 3 years? Last week pergi MSD and pick up FGL. And sis tu cakap, bos pesan suruh apply local uni. Muka dah biru2. No no no...i would fight my way to come back to Sydney. Don't ask me why not UK or Europe or Japan. I have my reasons. If i care enough or in the mood, i'll blog about it. But for now, Sydney it is.

Anyway, tak sabar nak ke Sydney. I just need to get away from Malaysia. Pressure tahap takleh blah. It was easy back then when i was in Sydney. Macam tak ada gap between undergrad and postgrad and you just don't feel much pressure.

Mesti confuse on kind of pressure yang i am facing kan? Kahwin la. Apa lagi.

It is so easy putting up a high face and gelak2 and cracking jokes about it. Tapi dalam hati, terasa pressure even though mulut cakap tak.

Why?

Because i am a family person. I love being at home. Home ye, bukan house. Home. Tak kisah la mana2, as long as i am being loved and giving love. Itu one issue la. But the point is, i am a family person. So, bila berpuluh kali kena tanya bila nak kawen and all...banyak2 kumpul jadi mcm bukit/gunung..berat lah hati ni. I know the situation, and i understand perfectly the situation and condition way before i am in it. It was easy in Sydney...really.

Tapi here, it was almost like a must.

Pffft.

But i am lucky because i have parents yang super very understanding with the situation and my condition and tak put the pressure. Thinking back, maybe it is one of the reason i become reluctant nak keluar and hang out with people ke ape. Pergi wedding kawan pun, macam malas. Coping with indirect pressure yang pressuring me indirectly lagi susah sebab tak tahu nak hilang kan macam mana. Escapism is the bestest way buat masa ni.

Lagi pressure because i am a baby lover, bila bersepah beratur berjujuk la cousin yang bersalin, and kawan2 yang pregnant and melahirkan...kind of pissed me off. Just stop asking. Answering to their question is one thing, but asking it in the first place is enough annoying. Dah la secara indirect giving me pressure and making me envy with it...envy is another thing. Plus, aku bukan jenis kejar career pny orang. If i were given a choice, 10 kali lagi aku pilih family.

Jadi, kesimpulan nye, aku nak cabut lari cepat2. So that i am being spared from being asked or pressured indirectly regarding this matter and i can live my life mcm it is not the most important thing in life. At least, for few years lagi.

By the way, on the other hand, i kind of feels uncomfortable writing this posting. I am writing it for myself but i hope it will not affect anyone else because this is my rambling. My rants. I am not requesting anything, just pouring out my unintentional ramblings.